Friday, December 23, 2011

Meet Agwambo Gal

Agwambo Gal
Agwambo Gal wants to dance, harness as many dancers for peace as possible, and prepare for peaceful 2012 elections. Her intention is to bring all youths together to dance and vote for their preferred candidate in a peaceful way.

Who would want a repeat of what happened in 2007? Kenya is a peaceful country, and yes, we can dance to that. And as Agwambo Gal dances to peace, she calls you all to join her to dance for peace. Unfortunately, Agwambo Gal also seems to be supporting one particular candidate.

"Stop fighting, start dancing" and "Lets dance! Let’s engage, and let’s vote!" seem to be her mottos. That's fine with us, but is she hot? Probably not, and she can't even dance. So babe, get your act together, and make sure your next video is raunchy. And stop supporting a particular candidate.


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Hula Hoop

Here is the official video of the new Stella Mwangi (aka STL) single Hula Hoop (featuring Mohombi), from the album "Kinanda".


Nice song, so I had to do some research, and I found out that a hula hoop is a toy hoop that is twirled around the waist, limbs or neck. So I got myself one. I wanted to use it for exercising, but I didn't seem to be able to control the thing. So I gave it to my girl. And she didn't have any problems with it at all. Really amazing!

Here’s an easy two-step lesson on how to hula hoop.

1. Make sure you have the right size hula hoop

What’s the right size? Try this: Stand with your hoop in front of you. The general rule of thumb is that a hoop should stand somewhere between your navel and nipple height, although some compensation should be made for your waist size, too. General rule of thumb: The bigger you are, the bigger the hoop should be. Larger hoops will rotate slower, making getting started easier. Smaller than that will make the hoop rotate faster, which is more challenging, although smaller hoops may be useful for certain tricks.

2. Put one foot in front of the other, and shift your weight 

Hold the hoop against your back. You can start it a little above your waist. Then, push the hoop around your waist, and shift your weight back and forth on your feet to keep the hoop moving. Easier said than done? Having trouble “keeping it up”? Here are some more tips: Many people try to move their hips in a circle with the hoop. This actually makes hooping much harder. Try this: put one foot in front of the other and just shift your weight back and forth from foot to foot. It’s less of a circular hip motion and more of just a rocking or pumping motion. In terms of which direction to hoop in, try them both! You’ll know right away which one is right for you. I’ve found that right handed people generally hoop counter-clockwise, while lefties go clockwise, but many people are exceptions to this rule. Most of all: be patient! It can take a while to get the hang of it — don’t give up! If you get frustrated trying to get the hoop going around your waist, try hooping with your hands!

Are you still looking for a nice Christmas present for your girl? In the video below you can find out why you should buy your girl a hula hoop. Hooping does not just tone the midriff, but burns a fearsome amount of calories (as many as 100 every 10 minutes), boosts your mood and your sex life, and provides spiritual enlightenment.


Saturday, November 26, 2011

It's boobie time! With Avril and Marya.

Avril Nyambura
Our local stars Avril and Marya are creating awareness for breast cancer. Lets face it, we've all heard the cancer awareness messages, but have you ever had the opportunity to have your breasts examined by me? 

Because there is no cure at this time, awareness is the primary way to decrease the number of people who die from breast cancer, so I feel I should also do my part. Many breasts are already being examined by me, but I feel I can't cover the whole of Kenya, so I am now offering an alternative to the infamous breast examinations by yours truly. So if you have been on my waiting list for way too long, here's my advice: just do self-exams!

Monthly breast self-exams are a good option for all women who aren't being examined by me. Women who regularly examine their breasts become more aware of how their breasts normally feel. They are more likely to notice changes that could be early signs of cancer. It's best to check about a week after your period, when breasts are not swollen or tender. If you see or feel a change in your breasts, see your doctor immediately.

See for yourself how simple it is and hey, boobs could really use your support, so please show you care. 

And now that you have had your breasts checked, here's a definite club banger from two of Kenya's hottest female artists...get ready for 'Chokoza'...enjoy!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Why Kenyans do it better

Kenyans do it better
In my post earlier this month, I explained why some tourists better stay out of Kenya. Today, I would like to show you an example of the kind of tourists we would like to have more of in Kenya.

Alexander Oswald, a Head of Marketing at Nokia, travelled to Kenya with his family. The driver on their safari showed him how we are working with mobile solutions in Kenya in our daily lives, including mobile payments and text-based information systems in agriculture and education. He then shared his positive experiences in Kenya at TEDxAustria. You can watch the video of his talk below.

The video got a lot of views on YouTube and very positive comments over the past few days. It is actually great marketing for Kenyan tourism and Kenyan businesses.

Alexander is very happy about the amazing feedback on his TEDxAustria talk and curious to see where this is going to develop. He is pleased that the video is touching the heart and pride of people in Kenya.

Alexander is a very kind man with his heart in the right place. He has been thanking people on a individual basis through Twitter and collectively on YouTube.


I would love to know who his safari driver was - the driver should be honoured as a great marketer of Kenya. And Alexander, please come back to Kenya soon. Our government should waive visa fees for families such as yours (and prevent the entry of tourists such as Jamjam222). Karibuni tena!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Why some tourists better stay out of Kenya

Picture from a Mombasa travel report
Apparently, the Kenyan tourism industry is being hit by some recent insecurity developments in the region. Well, I wouldn't mind if a particular breed of tourists would stay out of Kenya. I have already shown you earlier how some tourists discuss the qualities of our Kenyan girls.

And today I am revealing that Major Grubert is promoting his Kenya travel reports through some "innocent" videos on YouTube. Major Grubert provides tips for men looking for enjoyment: tips about codes of behaviour and warnings for “rip-offs”, about prices and hotel suggestions through to the appropriate addresses and links with further information. Such information cannot be found in any travel guide. The reports are not simply travel guides for single men, they provide information for all those who have always wanted to know how things function – to simply have the best looking girls when on holiday, at the best destinations for single men. And yes, Kenya is featured prominently in his travel reports. Have a look at the YouTube video below, just showing Mombasa's nightlife. And then do as I did: call all your family and friends and tell them to keep their girls out of Mombasa at night.

Grubert in Kenya: Mombasa Town and the beaches is a double CD with video, covering bars and discos, nightlife, girls, action...
Report: Including more than 1,200 photos from all walks of life. Information, tips, tricks, prices. Detailed sex guide with everything that should be included.
  • The outbound journey and safety tips. 
  • Out and about in Mombasa. 
  • Town hotels and prices. 
  • Nightlife in and outside of the town. 
  • A detailed introduction to the Tembo Disco, Casablanca Club, and Casuarina Bar. 
  • Various Kenyan girls and what they are like. 
  • Numerous photo sessions with the most talented of girls. 
  • A visit to the more southerly beaches: Likoni, Shelly, Tiwi, and the Diani Beach. 
  • Advantages and disadvantages of the hotel facilities. 
  • Out and about in the car. 
  • Nyali, Bamburi Beach, sun, and sea. Beach Hotels. 
  • Numerous tips – exchanging money and “plastic cash“, shopping, mobile phone, naïve or just a butterfly?, inoculations and health, hotels etc. 
  • Out and about in Mtwapa. 
  • Prices and how to deal with the girls. 
  • Means of transport in Mombasa - Taxi or Matatu. 
  • Beach life. 
  • Eating in Kenya – what, where, and what it costs. 
  • The beau ideal of the Kenyan girls. 
  • A threesome with Grubert’s nurse and her girlfriend. 
  • How and where the girls live. 
  • Snares and stumbling stones. 
  • What to avoid. 
All richly pictured with numerous specials about the various topics.

Kenya is a beautiful country with beautiful girls. Why can't we just keep it like that without Kenya becoming a sex tourism destination? Or is this really what our girls want?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Why I love Ocampo

In an earlier post, I explained why I would love to go the Hague.

Today, I would like to tell you more about why I love Ocampo so much. I hope you'll all agree with me.

Well, I love Ocampo because Ocampo is exotic.
Ocampo is beautiful.
Ocampo has brains.
Ocampo knows various dance styles, from classic ballet to hip hop. Ocampo has a black belt in Kenpo Karate and was a cheerleading captain.
Ocampo has appeared in major television productions.
Ocampo likes hiking, bicycling, volleyball, basketball, my balls, horseback riding, riding me, swimming, skating and weight lifting.
Ocampo also has good humor, a pretty smile, strong ambition and work ethic.
Ocampo will surely impress you as well! Kenyans, unite, support Ocampo and enjoy Ocampo's video below!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

#Kenya28Feb: Stand for Kenyan girls!

Stand for Kenya!
Stand For Kenya(n girls)!
We are extremely proud to be Kenyan!
We are proud of our beautiful country!
We are proud of our diversity, cultures and traditions!

We are proud of our heroes! (we have Akuku Danger)
We are proud of our high achievers! (yes, I am referring to Rafiki Kenya)

We are proud of being hustlers! (even the blog The Kenyan Hustler never really took off)
We are proud of our hoods! (Buru Buru being one of the best hoods, with only one problem: there are too many lesbians!)

We are proud of our tribes and twengs! (yes we are, and thank you Lord in particular for Kamba ladies, they are hot and cute)
We are proud of our kanges and our mats! (free porn included on our matatus)

We are proud of our artists and musicians! (thank you Kaz (the $10,000 for a kiss on the lips girl) and Avril for your nice pictures)
We are proud of our industries and farms! (yes, we do have a variety of industries; some of them on Koinange Street in Nairobi)
We are proud of our sports teams! (Janet Wanja for example likes playing with (volley)balls)

Oh yes, and apparently, Kenya has the most beautiful girls.

On the 28th of February 2011 at 1pm, wherever you are, at work, in the supermarket, in traffic, in school, on campus, in hospitals, in churches, in mosques, in temples, in synagogues, on sports pitches, in court, on your farm, at police stations, at armed forces barracks, in matatus, in buses, on the beach, in the game parks, at the airport, in parliament, in State House, in your homes, ...

On the 28th of February 2011 at 1pm, we stand
On the 28th of February 2011 at 1pm, we unite
On the 28th of February 2011 at 1pm, we shall speak in one voice.

On the 28th of February 2011 at 1pm, let’s sing our beautiful and powerful National Anthem, all three verses.
On the 28th February 2011 the world will watch as Kenyans stand UNITED;
1pm, 1 nation, 1 people, 1 anthem, united in 1 prayer for 1 Kenya
We are Kenya!

Monday, February 21, 2011

How did hot Ugandan girls vote?

How did she vote?
I never managed to find one political line among the hottest Kenyan girls. In our last Presidential elections for instance, some of them voted for Raila Odinga, others for Mwai Kibaki, and still others for Kalonzo Musyoka. I must admit my two favorite gals voted for Kalonzo Musyoka, but I can't generalize at all.

But the situation in Uganda seems to be different. I just did a small survey of the 5 hottest girls I know in Uganda. And guess what? All five of them voted for Kizza Besigye!

So today we are asking: "Is there a link between hotness and voting patterns in Uganda?"

I really don't know. I have always been told there are a lot of hot girls in Uganda. And now, if they all voted for Kizza Besigye, how come Yoweri Museveni still 'won' the elections? Of course my sample size is very small and maybe not reliable, so I need your help here.

  • Do you have any hot female friends in Uganda? How did they vote?
  • Or are you a hot Ugandan girl yourself? If yes, how did you vote? (and what's your number?)

Please use the comment section below to give me your views on this.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Are you going to get some on this date?

Free hugs, but what about sex?
Yes or No?
Valentines Day is only about 3 weeks away. Shoes did it for me last year, and the Cry Baby was fun two years ago.

This year, I may just go on a date.

So you managed to get a date? But you are not a lady killer like myself? And you are just wondering whether or not the date is going to lead to you having sex?

Well, Holy Taco has created a very handy flowchart "Are You Going to Have Sex on This Date?" to help you determine whether or not your going to have sex at the end of your date. Try it out!

Will those days soon be gone?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Meet Sue - the Kenyan prostitute building a brand

When Sex is No Longer Sin
I just came across a blog supposedly written by Sue, a prostitute working on Koinange Street: Nairobi Nights. It has well-written and entertaining stories about a working girl in Nairobi. The stories are well written and quite entertaining.
"My name is Sue. I practice along Koinange Street, Nairobi. These are thoughts, observations and experiences from my prostitution world. Nothing of the soft, sympathy seeking topsy turvy kind. But straight talk, hard facts and real anecdotes. They are worth something."
The sexy 'girl' has already written 10 episodes so far, including blog posts with exciting titles such as "The Spiritual Role Of A Prostitute", "When Sex Is No Longer Sin", "Let The Pee Flow", "Why Should I Not Open My Legs?" and "I can't Feel Your Thing".

In her latest post, she refers to one of her teachers in high school who came up with an interesting metaphor, comparing a girl to a tin of cocoa:
"A female teacher in the mixed boarding school that I attended used to compare us girls to a tin of cocoa; you remember the one which had a foil inside. "The first time you let a man touch your breasts or private parts, then you have opened the lid. The moment you lose your virginity, the foil is gone. After that, every time you have sex, the cocoa gets depleted. If you are not careful the rightful owner will find there is nothing left for him". At the face of it, it was a polite way to dissuade us from adolescence sex, but a little deeper it implied we girls didn't really belong to ourselves but to some man somewhere, who was supposed to have all the cocoa. Our role in society it seemed was to prepare for this man."
And in another recent post, Sue writes:
"Our value decreases as your experience increases. Quoting five years experience is a turn off. Many a girl gets to prostitution telling themselves they wont do it for more than a few months, maybe six, save some money, start a business , hit it big in some way or get a 'proper' job. But a year goes and another still on the street. The optimal experience is about a year; when one is no longer surprised by the antics of men and all the inhibitions are gone. After a year there is a plateau and then the downward curve starts."
What do you think of this new Kenyan blog? Is it written by a 'ghost writer'? Is it polluting our blogging landscape? Or is it a nice addition to the scene?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The IDEOS has landed!

Huawei IDEOS
posing with a model
The much anticipated Huawei IDEOS U8150 phone has been launched in Kenya.

The IDEOS was announced last September by Huawei as a low cost handset that the Chinese manufacturer had worked on in collaboration with Google. Depicted as a low end smartphone, the IDEOS is anticipated to be a game changer, all at a reasonable price.

The phone comes with Android 2.2, a 2.8 inch colour touch screen, 3G HSDPA up to 7.2 Mbps, a 3.2 Mp camera, WI-FI and Bluetooth. The phone retails at Ksh 8,499/- and is bundled with Ksh 1,000/- airtime plus 600 Mb of data. This means a US$100 smartphone has finally arrived! This is exactly the right move in bringing Android to the masses in Kenya.

It's the best cheap phone currently available and it runs on Android, so the question is not really whether you will buy the IDEOS (of course you will), but which one you will buy. Which one? Yes, which one! This thing comes in different colors, so you will have to decide on the color. The phone comes in four different colors: black, blue, purple and yellow.

The Huawei IDEOS U8150 phone is available in black, blue, purple and yellow

The science of color psychology may help us in deciding which color of IDEOS to buy:

Black: Black is often used as a symbol of menace or evil, but it is also popular as an indicator of authority and power. It is used to represent treacherous characters and is often associated with witchcraft, hence ideal for Kamba people. Black is also associated with death and mourning, unhappiness, sexuality, formality, and sophistication.

Blue: Blue calls to mind feelings of calmness or serenity. It is often described as peaceful, tranquil, secure, and orderly. Blue can also create feelings of sadness or aloofness. Blue can also lower the pulse rate and body temperature.

Purple: Purple is the symbol of royalty and wealth. Purple also represents wisdom and spirituality. Purple can sometimes appear exotic or artificial.

Yellow: Yellow shines with optimism, enlightenment, and happiness. Yellow can also create feelings of frustration and anger. Yellow can also increase the metabolism.

Yellow for my main girlfriend
How do these colors make you feel? You may have realized by now that this will not be an easy decision. So I will just buy all four of them. I will buy a yellow one for my main girlfriend, so that she remains optimistic and happy. I will buy a blue one for my clande in order to lower her body temperature, she sometimes just gets waaaaaaay too hot. I will buy a purple IDEOS for my sugar mummy because she is wealthy, wise and artificial. And a black one for myself of course, because of my sexuality and sophistication. And you? Which color will you buy?