Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Like a Virgin

i made it through the wilderness
somehow i made it through
didn't know how lost i was
until i found you
Not all is lost after you have been 'touched' by the Finger of God. You can now get your virginity back for only Ksh 1,740/- (about US$25). I found this interesting product called 'Youth Back Plus' for sale just like any other product at Nakumatt, one of Kenya's major supermarkets.

Youth Back Plus promises to be the complete vaginal solution, nature's gift for women. Its formula is composed of natural herbs and sea compounds. 'Virginity' is restored because of the tightening of the vaginal muscles and the return of elasticity.

Nakumatt: You Need It, We've Got It! Esther Arunga, please note.

What a product! Too good to be true! Let's have a look at the advertisement:
Youth Back Plus will leave your partner unbelievably happy with a renewed sexual satisfaction. Youth Back Plus can help restore and/or keep the family from breaking up. It prevents menstrual pains and keeps women away from cervical cancer as well as removes all the impurities from the female organ. It has healing ingredients so powerful that in spite of all sorts of surgical removals and lacerations, sensitivity can be restored bringing the complete womanhood. This product is highly recommended after childbirth delivery to undergo quick healing and to remove all impurities in the genital tracts and for those who wants to bring back the experiences of the youth.
Question to the ladies: Have you ever tried to get your virginity back? No, I don't know whether this amazing product would work on men as well, and I haven't tried it out. And no, my girl doesn't need this either. Why would she want to be a virgin anyway?

And now, as an added bonus to this blog post, here are the video and lyrics of that sweet Madonna song from 1984 entitled 'Like a Virgin' for your reference and further reflection:

i made it through the wilderness
somehow i made it through
didn't know how lost i was
until i found you
i was beat incomplete
i'd been had, i was sad and blue
but you made me feel
yeah, you made me feel
shiny and new
like a virgin
touched for the very first time
like a virgin
when your heart beats
next to mine 
gonna give you all my love, boy
my fear is fading fast
been saving it all for you
'cause only love can last
you're so fine and you're mine
make me strong, yeah you make me bold
oh your love thawed out
yeah, your love thawed out
what was scared and cold 
like a virgin
touched for the very first time
like a virgin
with your heartbeat
next to mine
oooh, oooh, oooh
you're so fine and you're mine
i'll be yours 'till the end of time
'cause you made me feel
yeah, you made me feel
i've nothing to hide
like a virgin
touched for the very first time
like a virgin
with your heartbeat
next to mine
like a virgin, ooh, ooh
like a virgin
feels so good inside
when you hold me
and your heart beats, and you love me
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
ooh, baby
can't you hear my heart beat
for the very first time?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Kiriro by Daddy Owen Ft Kerah & Allan Aaron

I am not a big fan of Kenyan popular music. My music players are usually full of African music, mainly West and Central African, but not Kenyan.

But once in a while, there is a Kenyan song that touches me. Like this one called Kiriro, by Daddy Owen Ft Kerah & Allan Aaron. These guys have talent and it's an inspiring gospel song that makes me feel very good and happy - every single time I listen to it.

You see, these guys are really blessed, so let's praise the Lord!

Daddy Owen is credited with giving gospel music a new touch by introducing Kapungala, a mixture of Kapuka and Lingala. His new video, Tobina (which means 'dance'), will be launched very soon.

Esther Arunga on Capital Talk (K24)

Part 1 of 4

Part 2 of 4

Part 3 of 4

Part 4 of 4

Esther Arunga and Joseph Hellon arrested

Capital FM now reports that the sweet Esther Arunga (is she smoking hot or smoking pot?) and sexophonist Joseph Hellon have been arrested by police over their links to the Finger of God, a religious grouping described as a cult.

Police raided Hellon's house late Saturday and arrested the two and other followers of the controversial Finger of God ministry. Sources say police want to find out if the ministry is a cult as has been reported. The suspects are being held at Gigiri and Muthaiga Police stations.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Videos of the radiant Esther Arunga

I had never seen Esther Arunga this furious before. She's really hitting at the media. Did she learn a lesson from Lucy Kibaki on that front? Anyway, Esther still looks sweet and smart, so we wish her all the best in her new endeavors. The Finger of God wouldn't be that bad as a President of Kenya maybe, and I wouldn't mind Esther as a Vice President either.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The sexy saxophonist

So why is Esther blowing Hellon's saxophone?

Well, I just did some small research on it and my conclusion is that we may have to attribute this to the sexiness of the saxophone:
  • The saxophone is usually used as the main instrument for the background music of love scenes.
  • The sax is either held right between someones legs in the crotchal area (drawing attention to said area) or it is played to the side which forces the player to stick out his hips in a sort of thrusting motion
  • The sound of the sax is slow, smooth, and reminiscent of a bedroom voice.
  • Jazz is meant to be sensual, seductice, and a bit on the daring side; and the saxophone is part of that genre.
  • The saxophone sound can be intensely, richly complex, almost as complex as the human voice. Its vibrational energy comes close to the flutter and pant of human respiration and it reacts with such sensitivity to the individual player's breath that no two sax players sound precisely alike. Unruly feelings pour out, often carnal feelings.
  • The way a saxophonist moves in a slow seductive way with closed eyes and the music is usually slow with a haunting melody, so that it almost gives the impression of love-making.
  • The sax is low-pitched compared to most brass instruments; a low, slow voice can be an aphrodisiac.
But Joseph Hellon as a Finger of God church leader should note that the Church doesn't like the sax. Pius X, who became pope in 1903, was quick to see the moral danger posed by the saxophone. An audacious composer had written saxophones into a mass and he didn't like it. He prohibited instruments that could cause "disgust or scandal," and everybody knew which one he meant. The saxophone sounded to Pius X like the work of the devil.

Well, we may understand Esther's recent moves a bit better now. And what about you, do you feel attracted to a sax or a saxophonist?

P.S. The only saxophone-playing U.S. president was Bill Clinton... I think you get my point.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Esther Arunga calls off her wedding, wants to blow the sax instead

This post is an improved version of an article which appeared in the Daily Nation today.

Esther Arunga leaves her family ‘to join church’

Esther Arunga, one of Kenya’s hottest television presenters is reported to have been estranged from her family and friends and is now living in a church in Runda.

The youthful presenter’s friends and a relative on Tuesday said they were afraid she could have gotten herself too deep into a church whose activities they say are suspicious.

The church - oddly called Finger of God - is said to be run by Joseph Hellon, a man described in entertainment circles as a multi-talented jazz maestro and music teacher.

The week-long separation from her friends and relatives has left them worried amid reports that she may have quit her job.

Wedding put on hold

Esther's wedding has also been put on hold.

Efforts to contact Joseph Hellon on Tuesday were unsuccessful as he was said to be unavailable at his Runda residence while calls to his mobile phone and the church’s landline went unanswered.

The Nation however managed to reach Esther Arunga on her mobile phone but she said she was fine.

According to some former members of the church, about eight more women live in the compound leased to the musician.

They claimed that in the last one year, the membership has grown from 25 to 500, making it necessary for the church to move to a more spacious premises in the last one week.

No check no check - Up to 8 hours long

Always is Kenya’s most popular brand of sanitary pads. And it seems to gain even more popularity now through a very appealing advertisement. The ad opens in a girls school as they are having class. One of the girls takes a roll of tissue paper out of her desk and would like to check something... Let's have a look:

Wow, what an upbeat tune and a nicely choreographed dance, very well done! Some of the local television stations here in Kenya are playing the clip a bit too often, but it is still not too boring. And if you're really a fan of the music, you can even download the ringtone for free from here. Just imagine your phone going off with that ringtone... I check I check.

"Up to 8 hours, no check no stain".
I am supporting a cousin of mine who is in high school. Apart from school fees, I have to give her money for all kinds of other things, including sanitary pads. Now she's telling me that the slogan of "8 hours long" is not really correct and I have to double her allocation for sanitary pads from 12 pads per month (4 days x 3 pads/day at a rate of 8 hours per pad) to 24 pads per month. Superior feminine protection for eight hours? Maybe not always? So ladies, I need some help here. Is my cousin's demand still reasonable even now that we have the 8 hours pads available, or is my cousin just trying to rip me off?

Monday, February 15, 2010

Flickr Kenyan Poet

I just discovered a cool new Flickr application called FlickrPoet. Just paste into the box some crazy piece of text - which could be some song lyrics, your most recent Tweet, or, like I did, some lines from a poem by Njeri Wangari (aka Kenyanpoet) - and the site will look for pictures in the Flickr archives that best match your text. I thought this could be very enlightening indeed, and here is what I got for the sentence "Her love, selfless, blows gently like a cool breeze.":

I got a few girls, a keyboard, and some Coca Cola. Not bad, but still confusing. But the nice thing is that the application will return different results every time you press the button. Just keep on pressing. Yes, this thing is transforming poems into photographs, and it has helped me in understanding some texts and poems in different ways. Pretty exciting, isn't it?

So, what sentence are you entering, and what are the photo results you are getting?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Valentines 2010 - your help needed

Last year, the Cry Baby turned out to be my perfect Valentines gift. My girl just loved it, and we had good fun during a couple of social parties, with special thanks to the remote control. The Cry Baby has now been safely stored though, and we hardly use it anymore.

So what am I getting her this year? I think I can tell you already, since she hardly reads this boring blog anyway... Well, it is not going to be easy. Something I have not given anyone before: shoes. Sandals to be more precise, since it is pretty hot in Nairobi nowadays. Shoes aren't something to be gifted - you don't know how they'll fit, what style she would like today (usually different from yesterday's), if they will hurt her sexy feet, and so on. But I am taking the risk, and I am buying her some sandals through my cousin who is currently in Europe and will be back just in time for Valentines.

I have narrowed it down to two options. They are both the same brand (Alberta Ferretti), same material (suede leather), but they have a different design and color:

And this is where I need your help now. I can't choose! SOS - shoes or shoes? Aaarrrrghhhhhhhhhhh, and don't tell me I need to buy her other ones... Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssse!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Shuga - the cool Kenyan movie about sex - takes New York by storm



Kenyan TV drama, ‘Shuga’, entertains as it raises AIDS awareness

NEW YORK, USA, 27 January 2010 – Partnerships play a vital role in UNICEF’s efforts against the global HIV/AIDS pandemic. When it comes to delivering messages about HIV prevention, the organization’s work with media and entertainment partners such as MTV provides a valuable – and credible – connection to young audiences.

Shuga - the cool movie about sex which has become a major hype in Kenya - was shown and discussed at UNICEF in New York. And our darling Lupita Nyong’o participated in the event.

Now, that's all well and good. But we don't need to show this movie in New York, it needs to be screened all over Kenya and all over Africa!

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is assessing the effectiveness of Shuga in changing behaviour within its target audience. Well, let me just say that there is no need to do this assessment, we already know it is effective, believe me. So please just show this movie anywhere, everywhere, anytime.

And I am also of the opinion that Shuga should go for the Oscars! Do you agree?