Tuesday, March 23, 2010

True Love is back, better than ever, now with the Elephant position

A few days after the extremely sweet and intelligent Kenyan blogger Kellie complained about the magazine True Love not living up to her high sexual expectations, the publisher (East African Magazines - EAM) folded. Kellie - the gorgeous 'innocent babe seeking education wherever she can find it where bedroom matters are concerned' - bought a copy of True Love because of the fabulously headlined article: ‘Don’t try this at home! Lessons from couples who get the sex right’, only for her hopes to be totally crushed when she read the full article ("the article read like something written by church people to teach the unmarried youth about sex"). Now, everybody should know that you better don't get an influential blogger like Kellie against you. So this disappointment also meant the end of True Love. RIP.

Kenyans are now looking for alternative sources of information. So there is this popular video on YouTube - filmed in Kenya - which I highly recommend:



Yes, yes, I do know mine is bigger than that. And I do know mine is not S-shaped like that. So it may not be very relevant to my own sexual escapades. But still, I think that watching this elephant clip (and listening to the hilarious comments by the lady watching all this) is actually a very good alternative to reading True Love. Or not?

The good news is also that the 'Elephant position' is part of the Kama Sutra. The Elephant position is similar to the too widely known and practiced doggie style, except that the woman lies flat or almost flat on her stomach as a start.

Read on if you really want to know more about the 'Elephant position', as I will explain it in 4 easy steps. Leave now if you don't need to know more about it.

Step 1
Lay with your face down on the bed or other surface, resting your forehead, forearms and breasts on the surface while raising your hips and buttocks high. Have Rafiki sit upon his bent knees, guiding his lingam (penis) into your yoni (vagina) and have him hold you firmly at the hips, rocking in the sexual congress of the Elephant position known as 'Aibha'. Rafiki may vary this position slightly by wrapping his arms around your waist, stimulating your clitoris as he performs Aibha.

Step 2
Lift your body so that you are pushing yourself up with your palms while Rafiki remains inside of you.

Step 3
Bend your legs at the knees, allowing Rafiki to grip your ankles and arch your back. Rafiki should slide his knees slightly between your spread legs, pushing with a sharp upward motion in this Elephant position called 'Hastika'.

Step 4
Adjust your body so that you are laying on your side with your knees bent as Rafiki enters you from behind to perform the Elephant position 'Nagabandha'. Rafiki should slide one hand between your legs, stimulating your clitoris as he works the position, and bring you to sexual bliss.

Amen!

11 comments:

bomseh said...

Ahem, since I'm no longer on the bilas, this I will have to try at home.

bankelele said...

The Kellie & Rafiki counseling team soon to be in a new magazien or TV show. none of that fake getrude sexologist stuff

Kellie said...

Sigh. This is the kind of information I was in search of Rafiki. Writing notes here.

@Bomseh you can say that again. Congrats btw!

@Bankelele I will be the interviewer since I'm the innocent party here

normzo™ said...

Off to practice this elephant position ... who needs True love or drum,when we have Blogs..

Our Kid said...

Rafiki... you know you are right. Now we need to see 'practicals'.

GotIssuez said...

Lol. This is SOOOOOO Not Safe for Work. Be sure to add NSFW to your tweet next time bro.

Just as a by the way (it warns and sometimes it actually brings more hits)

savvy said...

Hmm..why was that camera so shaky? Ama the guy filming the elephants was affected?

SisBigBones said...

LOL...people still buy magazines? Too bad I have no one to practice this position with :D

Anonymous said...

http://realpeoplerealclandees.blogspot.com/

Lizzie Shiro said...

Oooooh My God! I need me a man

Best internet forum said...

Nice position. Definitely worth a try